I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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