Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
