Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
