I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
