i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
