just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
