I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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