we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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