My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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