I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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