And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think a kid would responsible me up
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
