Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
