haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
