don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
this boner is exhausting
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
