You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also, beer. Big fan.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
