I CAN MOONWALK!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
