Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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