I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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