It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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