matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I need water and some morals
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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