She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
