And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
