my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
