screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i need some magic done to my vagina
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
