I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
These tits shall not be calmed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
