Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
