He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
