Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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