Yo dont text me then not text me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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