the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Actions speak louder than pants.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
