You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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