How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
