I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
