If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
