Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't deserve a penis
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
