so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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