So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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