i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
smell my finger.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
