He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He has the fingertips of a God
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