So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
