the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
