wrigley field is MILF paradise
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
