he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
