I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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