How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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