So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
