I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
