omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
