I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
