So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize