The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
