$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
