my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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