Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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