he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
