We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
