i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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