im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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