i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
