Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
