All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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