It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
