Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
