Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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