i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
