u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
