he told me I talked like a deaf person
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
