What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
