I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
