A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
