My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
