so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
