Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize