Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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