He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
